Am I the bitch in this situation?

In my college concert band there is this freshmen oboe player named Cameron. He is quiet and doesn’t hang out with anyone on campus. He sits alone at meals often and is best friends with his mom since he always calls her at 4:00pm without fail. I think that is weird, but I have always been nice to him. So has my friend Heather since she sits next to him in band. One day we invite him to eat with us at lunch. We get talking about drinking and hanging out stuff. The three of us all are into the idea of hanging out so plans were made. However, Cameron and I have to perform at a recital first so we go and have a great time. I love making new friends so I was very enthusiastic the entire night. He is a nice guy and funny. However after we get back from the recital Heather bails on our plans. L But we say, why not tomorrow? She doesn’t commit to a time to hang out so he and I just go back to our own dorms. I add him on facebook. The next day I try to get hold of heather with no luck. So Cameron and I start talking on facebook. We talk a lot but mostly about youtube videos so it isn’t like I actually got to know him or his life. He then suggests that we hang out, without heather… and I am like “Sure.” But it makes me slightly uneasy. I don’t hang out with guys one on one like … ever. It makes me uncomfortable no matter who it is. But I don’t notice my uneasiness right away. We keep talking and then we get onto the subject of video games. I like to watch people play video games. He is really into video games. That’s what he does on weekends. Online gaming and drinking wine that he makes himself. Weird. But he is still nice so he suggests that we hang out and play video games. Erm…. Okay? Then suggests we hang out in my dorm…… Erm? Erm…. This is where it clicks. He bothers me. I like my space. No you cannot hang out in my dorm. I barely know you…. His room is messy he says. So is mine. Plus I don’t have a TV. He then says, Oh I can bring my own. It is a tiny tv. WOAH BUDDY, chill pill.  I start feeling creeped out slightly. Goodness, this doesn’t sound fun anymore. Why is he so enthusiastic? He then he guesses he could clean his room. We don’t talk much after that. Heather finally messages me back, but she doesn’t want to drink anymore but we can go to dinner. I get mad. Why do we have to jump through hoops to get her to hang out with us? I’m sorry but I won’t wrap my plans around yours like always. I HATE IT. So I flop back onto my bed and go back to sleep. Heather can’t get ahold of my because my phone is off, and I’m not logged into facebook. She has a sorority sister of mine find me. But I don’t want to see or talk to heather. I AM MAD. Of course a bitchy facebook message awaits me when I log back on. I apologize, because I don’t usually ditch on plans. Its rude so I explain why I did it. Heather sorta forgives me. The next day in band I am still cool with Cameron. It isn’t until the next day when he excitedly says “I cleaned my room! Now we can hang out!” Uhhhhhh……and he talks about alcohol more….and I am not into hanging out anymore. Not one on one for sure. Gosh he gets too excited….I leave very quickly because I have to go to work. I ignore his messages later. I start getting stressed. He is always around! I hate May Term! I can’t eat alone because he will sneak up and sit next to me. SHEESH! Where did my space and peace go? He is still nice. Not mean at all but ….I WANT HIM TO GO BACK TO THE WAY HE WAS! I want him to leave me alone! I don’t want to go along with his plans because if I don’t I will be the one being mean. I worry about it more. Because he messages me again to hang out over the weeked, gaming in his room. He doesn’t have any plans at all for May Term. WHERE ARE YOUR OTHER FRIENDS?! Why do I get the feeling there is a reason why he has been alone all year? Something about him is odd. He is kinda clingy…. Clingy? OH NO! I HATE CLINGY PEOPLE! You never can be subtle. They never get hints, the only get their feelings hurt if you ignore them. I just want this to quietly go away….go away….he bothers my thoughts. I don’t practice in Verhulst now because he has consistently been there. Music is my since of peace. Now I can’t practice without hearing his fucking oboe. I HATE THIS! I have to do something about it. But I have to tell someone about it. All my girl friends don’t understand. They don’t help me. So I decide, hey, Andy could have an interesting viewpoint on this. Turns out he was exactly the person to talk to at that moment. I make up my mind and bluntly tell Cameron to leave me alone. On Facebook. He sends “ok. No prob.” And I say “Thanks for understanding.” But he doesn’t understand! He goes and texts heather about it! He says he is confused and I won’t reply to his messages! SHE’S IS IN MINNESOTA! We are in WISCONSIN! What the hell is he messaging her for? I have only known him for a few days!!! I was so right about him being clingy! Heather messages me asking what is going on. I tell her he creeped me out. She doesn’t take my side like a friend should. Instead she says she is indifferent and after she gets the information she wants she stops messaging me. Doesn’t return any of my messages. Can’t say I am surprised. She does this to me all the time. So he deleted me off Facebook. Which is okay with me. I just don’t want to see him at all right now. I don’t even want to practice because he might be in Verhulst! Or go to meals alone because he might be there! UGH THIS SUCKS!!!

I hate drama in my life.

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Friday Deserves Praise

Not sure if I should be posting right now. I am slightly less intelligent thanks to a liquid substance slowing down my brain. Hehe. Hey, it has been a long week for me and tomorrow will be even longer! So I just decided to chill out with a friend of mine and have a couple of delicious beverages. That is all, and well we sat in front of the TV and watched some True Blood and this new diving show. I talked too much again but my friend just laughed. Secretly, she must think I am annoying. Lots of people do unfortunately. I feel like I have to hide most of my personality from others. People don’t accept and like me very often.

Well today was pretty busy. I have lots of classes and other obligations. I finished Day Five of Insanity which was awful but doable. Tomorrow is the end of week one which I am glad! I just want to go to sleep now. I don’t have much focus or energy at the moment so this post will be very short tonight! Er, well this is technically morning here but in my mind morning doesn’t start until after I have slept and I open my eyes! I will post tomorrow!

Sincerely,

Alexandra Wilson

I HATE APRIL

And its not even here yet! I am trying so badly to organize all things I have to do in that month and I am failing! I am so afraid I am going to miss something important because I fail to write things down! Tomorrow, I should find time to sit down and make sure I know what to get done this weekend so I am fully prepared for April when it comes.

Anyway, onto happier topics. My work out today was mostly yoga stuff so while I still broke a sweat my lungs weren’t on fire from all the cardio. Cardio sucks but it makes me stronger and healthier. I only finished day four but my confidence is starting to improve. When I start to see all my unhealthy weight slide off like butter I will be grinning all the time. I may only have thirty pounds to lose but I sure am working for it! Working out is obviously the highlight of my life right now. I try to eat healthy too. Ate lots of fruit and salad today but got in some protein as well. I can do this!

Tomorrow is Friday and I am very excited. I get to sleep in on Saturday but I still have a ton of homework to get done so I hope I can make it! I should probably get some sleep early tonight so I can get up and practice flute and finish homework. I will post tomorrow!

Sincerely,

Alexandra Wilson

By Midnight

Each night I make it my goal to be in bed before midnight. I cannot stand being so sleepy that my eyes hurt and everyone I pass on campus tells me I look like a sleep-deprived zombie. That will not be the way I finish out my sophomore year. Sleep, exercise and oranges are good, junk food, late nights and laziness are bad.

Today has been quite wonderful! I woke up and had a lovely breakfast with my Big Sister in my sorority. We got to catch up and enjoy each other’s company I ate a lot of fruit.

Band trip was wonderful! I got to play some fun games at Dave and Busters! Won a lot of tickets and enough to get candy and a Pikachu doll! I am so excited to have a new snuggle buddy. I also have an 18-year old stuffed bunny rabbit I always have with me. Fun stuff! Noticed that the guy who has recently started to talk to me is pretty nice. So far I want to continue talking to him.

Took a nap before I had my third insanity work out. This one was killer! I don’t know how I got through it but I did! I cannot wait to make it through the week! That will deserve celebration! Anyway, not much interesting stuff to talk about today. I am really busy and tired so I post tomorrow!

Sincerely,

Alexandra Wilson

Everything Hurts!

So working out sucks. There are parts that make me feel wonderfully fit but mostly I hate myself for getting so out of shape. Come on me, what if my life depended on how physically fit I was and I died? A BEAR COULD CHASE ME DOWN AND EAT ME! I don’t ever want that to happen. I hear most people die from bear attacks so … I am only cutting myself a little slack.

Today has been a pleasant and busy day. I enjoyed my Music Theory IV class, attended a meeting, ate lunch with some sisters, met with Megan for a flute lesson again and attended another class. Work was alright. I filed most of the time which is no problem for me. I am glad I have a job. I then met with an inactive sorority sister for awhile. I then attended a big sorority dinner date thing. Passed out for a short nap. Worked on homework and then the moment came.

TIME TO WORK OUT!

INSANITY DAY TWO!

Oh today kicked my ass. I was really weak by then but I got through it with my best effort. I feel like I got a lot accomplished so I am very happy. I am very sleepy and my blog post today is probably boring but, once again this blog is for me to look back on and reflect.

I will post tomorrow.

Sincerely,

Alexandra Wilson

Insanity

So I started this new work out that probably might kill me… or make me look silly when I do push-ups. I am now starting the Insanity workout and for the next two months I am going to be working out a lot! I miss being healthy and in shape. I want to push myself to a strength that I can feel safe in, strong and healthy! The looking great part is just a nice perk of a healthy and fit body. So Today was an okay workout but tomorrow will be very difficult.

On with my day, well it was busy. I woke up after having a terrible nightmare. All in one dream I was fired from my job, my best friend decided she was transferring to a college in Virginia, and… well I forgot the other bad things! I am glad I woke up and I still had my job and my best friend isn’t going anywhere!

Classes had me busy. I don’t like my General Teaching Methods Teacher anymore. Piano class was my favorite. I struggled in Advanced Conducting class. Got a huge chunk of homework done. Worked out with Heather and Nicole decided to tag along. Worked on more homework and then practiced flute and piccolo. I say it has been an eventful day! I am sleepy but happy.

Oh and weird last thing. I guy I know from band randomly struck up a conversation with me on facebook. We have never talked before so I thought it was suspicious. He challenged me to a game of Dance Dance Revolution once we go on the band trip on Wednesday. I think I might fail horribly and I should watch for any more suspicious attention.

I will post tomorrow!

Sincerely,

Alexandra Wilson

One Emotion At A Time Please!

I am not sure how I like the idea that all my weaknesses and strengths as a woman comes from the cycles of my endocrine system. My science-y nerd side loves that idea. Patterns and explanations are neat and orderly but as I woman I have issues. The last thing I need is more evidence proving that I am slave to my hormones making me science proven, a crazy damn woman. I blame TED talks on YouTube for this random topic.  I suppose I should dig up the link, huh?

Here we go:

This is interesting stuff and the lady is even more fascinating. I don’t know if it is her personally that gives me a weird vibe or the topic as a whole. I will try and post links of stuff I have stumbled across that I found to be thought provoking. While I adore stupid cats and delicious food, this is not what my blog is about. BRAIN STUFF YEAH!

I struggle with my identity.  How can I be such a nerd and an artist at the same time? The again I have an inner athlete within me that only surfaced when I was a kid. I am interesting in so many topics and fields that I wish I could live many lives at once to gain more knowledge. However, I am content with just my life. I am content that I will die one day and hopefully my love for learning will continue through my future children. Sorry. That was a bit of a weird tangent!

I should probably mention how my day went! I woke up 3am and finished getting ready to go back to campus. I was very sad to see my parents leave. I fell asleep on the plane on both flights and felt very groggy when I landed in Milwaukee. My friend Andy picked me up on time and I hung out with him until his music thingy rehearsal was over at this big church. I felt so out of place! When I don’t know my surroundings I tend to follow the one person I do know around like a duckling. He seemed a little freaked out by that but it was funny. Overall I was just tired and wanted Me-Time.

I spent time with one of my favorite sorority sisters and we just vented and talked for about an hour. It was nice! Now I am working on writing, listening to some dubstep I found tasteful and getting ready to hang out with a close friend and sorority sister of mine in our suite. My life is pretty dull sometimes when written out but words cannot replace experience. That is all I have to say for now. I will post tomorrow!

Sincerely,

Alexandra Wilson